Have a great battle cry? Have the most moving story of how you met Bob and decided to start a liquid pencil kickstarter? Sorry pal, no one cares. Even if you hire a very expensive production company, they'll most likely take your story, run it through their robotic assembly, slap on some upbeat music, and shove it back up your a**. What you really need are some stuck up gen z's to make you something that seems so bizarre it leaves you shocked with tears. Game. Set. Match.